This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
