Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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