Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
