What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
