Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Two words: blizzard sex
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
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