Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
