I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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