Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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