I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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