His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
