Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just threw up on my dentist
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Randomize
