i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
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