Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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