Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
