Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
