Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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