the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
i need some magic done to my vagina
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize