genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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