I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
