woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
