i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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