i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
