Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Oh god it's open bar.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
