His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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