I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
