dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
