Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
