okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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