I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
