Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
