last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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