trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
