I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize