she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
