if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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