The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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