Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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