I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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