Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I need to stop coming to work sober
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Randomize
