hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
