Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
