Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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