Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
