My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
