how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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