my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
