she was so not down for the gang bang
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
