Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I want to fling myself into the sun
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
