You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
