if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
being pregnant is like rehab
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
