i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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