just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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