I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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