omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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