1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
is wine microwaveable?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
