Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
