just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize