Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
