Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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