There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
