she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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