i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize