you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
It's shark week go big or go home
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
