We won't sleep together?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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