I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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