I hope mine doesn't look like that
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
