No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
