pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
