Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
