im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
