Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
