I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
