It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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