im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
