just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize