he wants to bone in the snuggie
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
What changed your mind?
Being sober
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
