can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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