Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
