i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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