Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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