Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
