No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
