It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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