You're a womanizer and a bitch.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
