Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize