Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
