i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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