1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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