I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
