If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
