she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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