The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
