guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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