Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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