stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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