My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
