Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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