I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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