Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
