Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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